Tag Archive | relationships

10 Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Jan31

Having a happy marriage doesn’t necessarily come easily just because you love each other.  While love is very important in a marriage sometimes it just isn’t enough and you have to work at your marriage just like any other relationship.

Marriage is a multi-faceted relationship that needs to be nurtured in all of its capacities in order to be successful.  Even the more mundane tasks such as household chores and paying the bills can factor into the well-being of your marriage.

1. Both of you in the marriage must be prepared to put your partner’s happiness ahead of your own from time to time for the marriage to truly work.  Sometimes this requires being willing to make sacrifices for each other for the good of the marriage. If either of you is completely self-centred and unwilling to make sacrifices it will likely create resentment in the marriage.

At times the sacrifices may be big but most often it’s the smaller things that matter most.  Even preparing a dish that you don’t like but that you know your spouse likes lets your partner know that you care and are willing to put their happiness first at times.

2. While making sacrifices is important in a happy marriage, it is also important to sometimes do things that are just for you.  It’s great to have a lot of common interests but it’s also essential to have some things that you enjoy doing on your own.

Having some separate activities gives you a little time away from your partner once in a while and gives you a chance to realize how much you miss them when you are apart.  It also gives you an opportunity to explore things on your own and prevents boredom in the relationship.

3. Another secret to a happy marriage is to maintain an intimate and affectionate relationship.  Sharing physical closeness will keep your marriage happy.  Even small gestures such as hugs or holding hands give you the opportunity to reconnect with your spouse on a daily basis.

4. Finances can cause a great deal of stress in a marriage so it is important to do your best to ensure that you do not allow your financial situation to come between you.

When financial concerns arise it is important to discuss the problems so that both of you are aware of what is going on and to work on establishing a budget together.  Working together on this issue will make sure that neither of you feels left out of the decision making process and neither of you bears the stress of worrying about finances on your own.

5. Sharing household chores is another secret to a happy marriage.  If either of you feels as though you are taking on too much responsibility in the household it can lead to resentment.

Not only does sharing these responsibilities prevent resentment but it also gives you an opportunity to work as a team which strengthens your bond.  Both of you need to take an active role in completing household chores and letting your partner know if you are beginning to feel overburdened so some new decisions can be made.

6. It’s also important that you let your partner know if they have said or done something to hurt you.  Failure to do so will allow the problem to continue which may in turn cause further problems.

If you bottle up your feelings your partner will be unaware of what they have done and may be likely to repeat their actions.  You also may begin to avoid your partner because you are angry and you don’t want to start a confrontation.  Your partner in turn may sense you behaving differently and be annoyed by your behaviour.

7. Understanding that you and your partner won’t always be in complete agreement is also critical to a happy marriage.  While you may agree on a lot of things it’s unrealistic to believe that you and your partner will be in sync at all times.  It’s okay to disagree sometimes as long as you respect each other’s feelings and beliefs and do not think that any one disagreement will be the end of the relationship.

8. Spontaneity is also an important part of a happy marriage.  Allowing yourselves to fall into a predictable pattern can lead to boredom but being spontaneous at times will prevent boredom from setting in and keep the relationship interesting.

9. Maybe most important of all the skills in marriage is open communication. Without communication the relationship will continually struggle.

It’s important to be honest with your partner and share your concern and to listen to what your partner has to say while making an effort to understand their point of view before responding.

Communicating about problems and concerns is important but it’s also important to communicate about your daily lives and even your aspirations for your personal future.

10. Finally, remembering why you married your partner is one of the most important secrets of a happy marriage.  Always keep in mind what it is about your partner that drew you to them in the first place will make certain that you never forget your love for your partner.  It will also ensure that they are always beautiful in your eyes.

Many things may change throughout the course of your marriage but the one thing that will always remain is the reason you fell in love in the first place.
A happy marriage is not guaranteed no matter how much you each love each other.  There are so many variables that can have an effect on the happiness and success of the marriage.  However it is important that both of you realize that you must continuously work on all of these aspects if you want your marriage to remain a happy and healthy one.

So until next time – Relate with Love

10 Ways To Reawaken The Passion In Your Relationship

Jan16

If your relationship is starting to lose its passion you may need to make a conscious effort to re-ignite the spark in your relationship and reawaken the passion.  Sometimes it may take elaborate plans and gestures to reawaken the passion in your relationship and sometimes it may just be small seemingly insignificant things that can help you.

  1. Planning a romantic weekend getaway can be one way to reawaken the passion.  A trip to a spa or a romantic destination can help to put the fire back into your relationship.  This type of trip gives a couple the opportunity to step away from your everyday life and spend some time focusing on romance.
  2. Treating your partner with respect can also be a simple way to reawaken passion.  Sometimes people get into the habit of taking your partner for granted while you continue to treat complete strangers and casual acquaintances with respect.  People tend to work harder on casual relationship than they do on their romantic relationship because they take their partner for granted.  Making an effort to impress your partner, however, can help to revive the passion.
  3. Doing something new and adventurous can also help to reawaken the passion in your relationship.  Try an activity that you have never done before such as skydiving or water skiing.  Participating in an adventurous sport can make you feel more alive and this will transcend into your relationship and may also be a great way to reawaken the passion.
  4. Holding hands is another way to reawaken the passion in your relationship.  This simple act draws you and your partner closer together.  Most couples hold hands all the time early in their relationship but as time goes by they begin to do so less and less often.  Grabbing your partners hand and holding on while you run errands can make your partner feel desired again and this will help put the passion back in your relationship.
  5. Another way to reawaken the passion in your relationship is to plan date nights.  Spend some time getting dressed up and plan a night out on the town.  Putting this level of effort into a dinner date makes it feel much more special and romantic plus it gives you a chance to let your partner know that you are still interested in spending time with them. No matter how busy your week is, plan to have at least one night a week where the two of you connect in a special way.  Even if it’s just some quiet time at home after the kids go to bed or even a family game night with the kids, it will give you time to bond.
  6. Taking care in your own appearance is still another way to reawaken the passion in your relationship.  If you feel good about yourself, you will be more appealing to your partner.  Spend a few extra minutes getting ready to go out and really pamper yourself.  This will give you a confidence boost that can help bring the passion back to your relationship.
  7. Complimenting your partner can also help to reawaken passion.  Noticing when your partner puts extra effort into their appearance lets them know that you still find them desirable and attractive.  Even complimenting them when they aren’t all dressed up, lets them know that you love them for who they are and not just their appearance.
  8. Even just planning trips that you would like to take in the future can reawaken passion.  Spend an afternoon thinking of trips you would like to take together and make a list of all the places you want to go and all the things you want to do.  This type of daydreaming draws a couple closer together and can revive passion. And who knows; just by writing out your wish list of places to go and things to do just might get you one step closer to making it real.
  9. Spending some quiet time together daily can be another way to reawaken passion.  Plan on having at least a few minutes alone with your partner each day to help put the spark back into your relationship.
  10. Taking a bath together can also help to reawaken passion in a relationship.  This is a very sensual activity that makes you both feel pampered and gives you the opportunity to reconnect on a physical level.  Beyond that it can also give you a chance to relax and unwind after a hard day of work as sometimes it’s the stresses of everyday life that are putting a damper on passion.

If your relationship is starting to lose its passion it doesn’t mean the relationship is over.  All of these examples are simple ways that a couple can reawaken the passion in their relationship.  As long as the love still exists, it is possible to bring back the passion.

So until next time – Relate with Love

We’re Having A Baby!!

Dec12

The wedding and the honeymoon have now become long distant memories as you, a newly formed couple, settle in to the reality of married life. And while adjusting to being part of a couple brings its own challenges nothing can adequately prepare you for what lies ahead as you contemplate expanding your newly created family further through the introduction of a child.

While the birth of your first child may be a glorious and blessed event that you both look forward to, the arrival of a new baby will inevitably put strains on your relationship.

The addition of a new element into the relationship that previously comprised just the two of you can be stressful.  As you learn to balance your time and ensure that both your partner and your child are receiving enough of your attention, there may be a period where the stress of making this adjustment causes a breakdown in communication.

While they don’t begrudge the attention that you lavish on the new baby it does take an adjustment period to deal with the fact that they no longer are the centre of your universe, or you there’s, with your undivided attention.

Also, typically the birth of a baby leads to a complete change of routine as well as sleep deprivation for you both.

While you may have previously been used to doing things as you please, you now realize that most activities must be planned around the baby’s schedule which is often unpredictable.  This new schedule, coupled with the lack of sleep that typically plagues new parents, can put a great deal of pressure on your relationship.

To avoid a total communication breakdown it is important for you both to realize that you need to allocate time to spend with the baby and also with each other.  You also need to realize that the sleep deprivation is affecting you both and take turns getting up with the baby.  This is even important for those of you where one of you is working at a paid job during the day.

Most importantly accept that everything you used to do may now not be possible. Your home may not be as tidy as it used to be. The dishes may not always get done immediately.

The lesson to learn here is this: Don’t be too tough on yourself. Make plenty of time for rest and recuperation and don’t forget that it’s still important to make some time for fun. This might be for each of you separately from each other as well as together.

And, above all, keep talking to each other. The only sure way for your partner to know what’s going on for you is that you communicate it to them. Remember that when you are both in stress overload you are not so able to be thinking so clearly of the needs of each other. So check in with each other as a matter of course, preferably daily or at least weekly to ensure you are aware of where each of you is at.

Make the time to really hear each other out for there will be good things to share and there may also be some difficult things to share.

These few simple steps can go a long way in reversing or preventing a communication breakdown and even be your guiding light to making your relationship even more than it was otherwise going to be.

So until next time – Relate with Love

Why Marriages Fail

Dec8

Roughly 50% of all marriages fail and many of those don’t even make it past the first year.  Understanding why this happens can be the  key to ensuring that your own marriage does not fail.

Some factors that contribute to the failure of a marriage include a lack of communication or poor communication, financial issues, children and even the circumstances in which the marriage initially took place.  All of these can exist in a healthy and enduring marriage but if they are not dealt with properly they can lead to the failure of the marriage.

Most importantly, when a couple marries for reasons other than true love the marriage may be doomed before it starts.

Communication is critical to the success of a marriage.  Without appropriate communication, conflict resolution becomes a difficult issue.  If the couple lacks the communication skills necessary to resolve their problems, then even the smallest problems can become insurmountable.

Good Communication allows a relationship to grow and thrive by giving the partners an opportunity to share their dreams, concerns, hopes and desires with each other.  Good Communication also gives the couple a healthy way to resolve their arguments.  If one or both partners lack effective communications skills it becomes difficult to resolve arguments because the couple is not able to understand each other’s points of view.

If the marriage is already in trouble, both partners in the marriage must be dedicated to working on their communication skills in order to improve or even salvage their marriage.

Love may conquer all but sometimes even love isn’t enough to save a marriage when there are significant financial concerns.  While financial concerns in and of themselves may not be the cause of a failed marriage the tension that financial concerns create is often the culprit in a failed marriage.  Financial concerns can be a heavy burden to bear and when a couple is struggling to meet their financial obligations, there can be a tremendous amount of pressure in the relationship.  This pressure may be enough to destroy an otherwise healthy marriage.

If one of the partners in the marriage becomes obsessed with the marital finances they can begin to neglect other aspects of the marriage.  This neglectful behaviour can have the effect of making the spouse feel ignored and lonely.

Even the circumstances surrounding the marriage can lead to its failure.  A marriage of convenience is often not a healthy marriage.  When the decision to marry is based on something other than true love, it is likely that the marriage will fail.

Some examples of marriage circumstances that may lead to failure may include getting married because there is a baby on the way or because the couple is feeling pressured to get married by friends and family members.  Neither of these reasons is a truly valid.

Marrying too young is another reason why many marriages fail.  While the right age to marry varies greatly depending on the person, many people argue that the teens and early twenties are too early to get married.  Getting married before you have had a chance to enjoy many of life’s experiences can result in resentfulness in the marriage and can be the cause of failure of the marriage.

Another reason why many marriages fail is that society no longer places importance on the institution of marriage.  Today it is common for couples to live together and have children without being married.  With this lessening value placed on marriage in today’s society, couples may not be as strongly committed to making their marriage work and may be quicker to give up on the marriage and each other.

If any of these issues are present in your relationship maybe it would be helpful for you to take a closer look at your relationship and, if needed, seek some assistance to ensure that you don’t become one of the statistics.

So until next time – Relate with Love

Blog

Oct26

Welcome to my blog. Each week I will be adding a new article on some aspect of relationships for you to read. To ensure that you don’t miss any of this valuable material make sure you register your details in the space to your right and then you’ll be reminded by email when a new article has been added.

I hope you will add your comments too so we can get some interesting conversations happening here. And if you have a particular question that you’d like to have an answer to then add that in the comment box and I promise I will answer it as soon as I can either through the comment or via another article.

So until next time – Relate with Love