Tag Archive | questions and answers

Is This Really The End?

Is This Really The End?

Reflecting back to a previous article I posed three questions for you to answer to help you decide whether it really is time to say goodbye. Here they are again for a reminder.

  1. Do you feel that you still love your partner and do you feel that your partner still loves you?
  2. If you had your time again would you still go into this relationship?
  3. If you could leave your partner right now without there being any cost, trouble or ramifications of any kind would you?

If in answering these questions you come to the conclusion that this really is the end then you now have some challenging times ahead of you. This topic will be covered in greater detail in another of my upcoming books but for now let me just say this; while there will be lots of things to take care of legally to separate yourselves from each other financially there will also be lots of things to take care of to separate yourselves socially and emotionally as well.

Of course the biggest hurdle of all will be managing how you are going to continue to be parents to your children. This is sometimes overlooked in the emotion of the day.

While you contemplate finally removing the person that was your partner from your life, you can forget that while there are children to be taken care of the likelihood that you will need to continue to find a way to communicate with each other is more likely than not and may only happen in the event that one of you decides to divorce yourself from your children as well.

It might sound like a contradiction in terms, but separation doesn’t have to be the end of the world if you do it with grace and dignity and respect, even if it feels that there is no love left.

Many couples I work with know that their relationship is over but have still come into counselling to find some understanding and/or some peace and forgiveness of themselves as well as of each other so that they can move on from this.

A Healing Separation

A Program I work with with couples contemplating separation is called “A Healing Separation”. The essence of it is for each of the couple to take some time to figure out what they need to learn from the situation to ensure that they don’t end up in the same place again.

This generally includes counselling each of the couple separately as well as together. And it doesn’t matter if they have kids or not. As the name of the program implies it is about healing and finding forgiveness as it is only through forgiveness that you can truly move on. Maybe this can even be to enter into another relationship that is much more fulfilling than the one you left.

So if you are struggling with a separation maybe you could benefit from some counselling. Alternatively you will find an exercise to help you with this on my website under quizzes and questionnaires titled: “The Unfinished Business Letter”. Try it out it’s free.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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When It Is Time to Say Goodbye (Part Two)

In the article “When It’s Time to Say Goodbye (part One)” I addressed three important questions for you to ask yourself before making a decision to end a relationship. If you haven’t read that article yet go to my page and find it. The questions are worth taking a closer look at if you are thinking in any way that it might be time for you to say goodbye to your relationship.

I know that dealing with these issues is about as much fun as getting root canal work done, but by doing it, you have taken an important step in getting this relationship out of the ditch that you might be seeing yourself in right now.

By getting truthful about your relationship you may have identified some dangerous and powerfully destructive forces in your life that you must deal with immediately if your relationship is to survive.

So the really big question here is: are you in this relationship because you really want to be, or are you here because you just don’t know how to get out of it?

And if you are spending your life with someone because it’s just easier not to get out of it, this is just not a healthy option and if you feel this way, then you’ve got some work to do.

Nevertheless, by asking these three really important questions, you’re recognizing, and acknowledging, how you feel and this is the beginning of the journey towards finding a resolution. This is a much better place to be in than in denial of the truth.

On the other hand, if you have come to the end of these questions and you are thinking, ‘my relationship is far worse than I thought’, I am going to ask you to pause for just a moment. There have been many, many relationships that have been on the brink of disaster, that have found their way back, and I see them in my counselling room everyday.

If you are here maybe the first thing you should do is seek some professional help to determine whether it really is time to quit or to reassess what you are doing that may be aggravating the situation. Sometimes doing some personal work with a Counselor can put you in a better place within yourself without doing much at all to the relationship. As I often say to my clients; sometimes by changing one half of the equation, in this case you, the other half of the equation has to change as well.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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When It’s Time to Say Goodbye (Part One)

When It’s Time to Say Goodbye (Part One)In all relationships there is a time when you will come to ask some questions about whether it’s time to end it or not. The hardest question of all to answer is how can you know for sure when your relationship is just not working and it may be time to get out?

To help those of you, who think you might be at that point right now, here are some questions to ask yourself that might make it a little easier for you.

There are three really difficult questions that you can use as a guide to see how close you are to that point of no return. And, while you contemplate the answers to these questions you also need to remind yourself of what the truth of the situation really is. That is answer the questions from an objective place, as if you were an observer, as opposed to answering them from a subjective place, that is from your own perspective with your own prejudices and judgments.

Also as you answer these questions keep in mind the definitions I spoke about in an earlier article/blog of the five keys to an enduring relationship concerning our basic needs. If you remember, they were recognition of our emotional, physical, spiritual, social and security needs.

The answers must be based on your partner’s recognition of your needs in those areas, as well as your recognition of his or her needs in those areas, and the rights of both of you to have your needs met.

So here are the questions. Take your time to answer them.

1. Do you feel that you still love your partner and do you feel that your partner still loves you?

2. If you had your time again would you still go into this relationship?

3. If you could leave your partner right now without there being any cost, trouble or ramifications of any kind would you?

A word of warning – just be very careful here because when you are feeling unhappy about your personal life, you can also get caught up in the negative aspects of your relationship and forget about all the good things or the good times you might have once had. You can even begin to think that it is your relationship that is at fault when the truth is it is more about you as an individual rather than you as a couple.

So before you do anything else take a moment right now to think about these questions. Maybe you could even write down any thoughts you have as you contemplate these issues. Then take some time to project yourself one, two or five years into the future and be really honest with yourself as you take a look to see clearly what is there for you in your relationship.

Look out for part two in these series of article/blog entries to learn what to do with the results of this questionnaire. If you can’t wait till my next entry you can subscribe to my mailing list. Then you will receive the free e-book that this questionnaire comes from. It’s titled “Relationships – A Couple’s Journey”.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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Have You a Question about Relationships or Relating That You Really Want Answered?

Click on the flyer to see it in full size.
If you would like to attend this free seminar please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the seminar”.

Have You a Question about Relationships or Relating That You Really Want Answered?

Some excerpts from my workshops.

Have You a Question About Dating That You Really Want Answered?

Click on the flyer to see it in full size.
If you would like to attend this free seminar please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the seminar”.

Have You a Question About Dating That You Really Want Answered?

Some excerpts from my workshops.

Your Biggest Relationship Questions Answered

Your Biggest Relationship Questions Answered: a special 1 hour Q&A Webinar with

Your Biggest Relationship Questions Answered with Lidy Seysener and Frank Fava Your Biggest Relationship Questions Answered with Lidy Seysener and Frank Fava

Lidy Seysener

Frank Fava

Hi

A Colleague of mine Frank Fava and I are going to be presenting a webinar together next week so this is an invitation to join us and hear the two of us answer all your relationship questions, or as many as we can fit into an hour.

The topic for the event is “The Biggest Questions You Have About Relationships”.

For those who don’t know what a Webinar (Web-based Seminar) is it is an event that happens online where you will hear, in this one at least, Frank and I answering questions on what it means to be in a relationship in 2015. It is also an event where you can post (ie write down) questions as we go for us to answer.

This is the first time we’ve done this kind of event so I’m going to be learning as well.

The place to register your interest in this webinar is:

http://relationshipsrevealed.com.au/qa/

There you will find this introduction:

Introducing Lidy Seysener of Northern Beaches Counselling.
I have the privilege of having Lidy as a guest speaker and expert on a special 1 hour Q&A Webinar.
Change yourself and you change your relationship.
We’re going to be answering your biggest questions on being your best self in relationships and getting “Relationship Prepared”.
If you can’t join us LIVE: Register anyway, and I will send you the Recording of the session the following day.
See you there!
Frank Fava
Relationships Revealed

So just click on the link and RSVP directly there and I’ll look forward to answering your biggest questions about relationships then.

If you have any questions about this webinar feel free to reply and I’ll try to answer them.

Regards

Lidy

Have You A Question About Relationships That You Really Want An Answer To?

Click on the flyer to see it in full size.
If you would like to attend the free seminar please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the free seminar”.

Have You A Question About Relationships That You Really Want An Answer To?

Some excerpts from my workshops.