Tag Archive | Love

Do You Really Know Who Your Partner Is?

Dec3

Photographers expand horizons in 2010 Army Digital Photography Contest 110311

How often have you gotten to a place in your life with someone you think you know, as well as anyone can, just to find that they continue to surprise you? The surprise might be a pleasant one such as learning about something really amazing they have done in their lives that you had no idea about.

Or the surprise might lead to a disappointment in a behaviour that you didn’t know they were capable of.

What does this mean? The truth is that you can spend a whole lifetime with a person and not really know who they are at all. As is the whole planet we live on, we are constantly changing and adapting to our environment.

You are, today, simply a product of all your life’s experiences and your responses to them. How you think, feel and behave is a consequence of all that has happened to you before this time.

And how you will be tomorrow will be a product of all that has happened in the past in addition to what you experience today and the decisions you make about yourself and others as a consequence of that experience.

I was speaking with a client today; let’s call her Susan, (not her real name) who met a serviceman a few months ago. Both of them have been busy with their lives and so have not spent a lot of time together before he was ordered back into service. He was not told of his mission before leaving and therefore was not able to let Susan know where he was going to be or when he would be back.

Five weeks have now passed without any communication and Susan is wondering where he is. Has he gone into a war-zone where he is unable to communicate with her, or worse still has he come to some foul play, or is he deliberately avoiding her.

Her confusion about this stems simply from her not really knowing him well enough to know what might be the truth. As I said to her; every couple needs exclusive time together to really get to know each other at the beginning of a relationship otherwise insecurities will naturally creep in.

Now, while I have said that you are constantly changing and this should require you to be constantly open to discovering who your partners are anew, there is also value in finding out where your partners have come from; their early life experiences as well as the experiences of their siblings and parents. All this information will help you determine what might be the core values of this possible partner particularly in reference to you as a couple.

So what might be some of the things that might be valuable for you to learn about your partner?

The questions are actually endless and could include how they acquired their name, their family history, their favorite things, how their parents resolve conflicts, how they resolve conflicts, what their relationship was like with their siblings growing up and what their hopes are for their future.

Don’t ever stop learning about your partner because the more you know about him or her the more sure you can be about why they do the things they do.

A word of warning

Be careful not to assume too much however because as the adage goes: to assume too much can make an ass out of u and me. Instead stay curious and let them also surprise you from time to time or check out that what you think they’re meaning is in actual fact real for today.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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How to Create a Happy Marriage?

Nov19

Happy couple embracing and laughingSome of the issues that disrupt a relationship can include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person for the difficulties that will and do arise, excluding or discounting the other’s feelings when focusing on a task, having no clear and defined objectives as well as where roles and expectations of each person in the relationship are undefined or not defined clearly.

Relationships are often seen as fragile requiring huge effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also provide a safe haven for you to be and can be long-lasting despite the potential pitfalls.

Creating a happy and lasting relationship can be achieved in several ways:

Society may be seen as a web of relationships, which requires all members to work and contribute their share in order to achieve a common goal. Having a relationship that is happy, where cooperation and respect are valued, simply makes the whole society work better.

This can only be achieved when all those involved work well together and for relationships it’s no different.

Happy relationships are defined by you and your partner openly expressing your feelings and perspectives on all matters relevant to the relationship. Assuming that your partner understands your needs and gives without your asking for it is neither realistic nor desirable. What happens if they get it wrong?

The easiest way to understand what is important to your partner is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. This might mean putting aside your own wants for the time being. You will get your turn to speak as well.

The benefit here is that when the they realize they are being listened to they are more likely to feel the importance given to them which frees the way for them, in turn, to be more open to what you have to say.

Understand first and only then act on each others feelings and perspective.

Another key to a happy relationship is respect. You show respect by listening to your partner and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to each other by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is being too quick to form judgements based on unfounded facts and prejudices.

Respect is really the foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself as well as respecting the other.

And yet another key area in creating a happy relationship is to tackle the differences between you immediately.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when both of you acknowledge that the relationship is important. That each of you is willing to exert the time, effort and energy necessary to understand the each other’s perspective and needs, and work at it until it is resolved.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging are important if you are to really understand each other.

Informal discussions from time to time are also beneficial for ongoing good will with each other. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. You also feel more relaxed allowing you to think more clearly and maybe come up with some resolutions that you might not have been able to come up with when dealing emotionally with an issue in the heat of the moment.

Develop an atmosphere where each of you can express your feelings when needed.

When people fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings about an incident that has happened, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Relationships are important to everyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve your relationship and to creating the happy relationship that you want.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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Rediscovering Sex after Pregnancy

Nov12

Rediscovering Sex after PregnancyA common question I’m asked after a couple has just had a child is: “When can we have sex again?” The short answer is: “When it feels right”. Sadly it is most often he who is ready before she is so when it doesn’t happen as he expects then this can lead to feelings of frustration and even alienation from the new mum and her baby.

Low or absent sexual desire is a very common experience after pregnancy; a reduction in sexual interest and activity, compared with pre-pregnancy levels, is really the norm during the first few months.

Studies have found that more than half of women resume intercourse at six weeks after delivery; By 24 weeks more than 80% of women were ready to be sexual again. The majority of the women even reported being able to come to orgasm by 12 weeks. And most studies indicate a gradual return to pre-pregnancy levels of sexual desire, enjoyment, and coital frequency within a year.

The return to making love is strongly influenced by the mother’s experience before pregnancy, her physiology, and her emotional and psychological make-up as well as by the culture she has been raised in.

The physical impact of giving birth is generally complete somewhere between four and six weeks. Research has shown that this differs little between those who have given birth vaginally as opposed to those who have had a cesarean birth. However the mother may still be weary for some time especially if the baby is not feeding well or is restless and taking time to settle down to a good sleep routine.

And then there is the emotional impact which may take longer to recover from. Here also every woman makes progress in her own time and in her own way.

Emotional disturbance very often takes the form of post natal depression, sometimes affectionately called, “post natal blues”. This can be as mild as feeling restless or as serious as contemplating harming the child or the mother herself.

Good old-fashioned Mother Nature is probably the greatest villain here.

While ensuring that the mother’s milk supply stays high, breastfeeding can negatively affect sexual desire whilst also guarding against a future pregnancy too soon. The reason is that estrogen levels decline during breastfeeding, which, sadly, also means that sexual interest also declines.

Vaginal lubrication also decreases which can lead to pain with intercourse which is also a way of ensuring that you don’t get into mischief while your new baby still needs so much of your attention.

The baby also makes sure that the mother’s attention is totally on her or him to ensure that this child has the best chance of surviving without having to compete with anyone else. This includes the father who, so far as this child is concerned, has fulfilled his part of the bargain.

So what does all this mean for the couple?

Firstly it means that as well as dealing with a new baby and all that entails it also means that you now have to patiently focus your energies on this child until you are not required 24/7 anymore.

In the meanwhile you can start to take any moment this child allows you to do some nice things for each other that are not necessarily going to lead to intercourse. Bathe together, massage each other, have a sleep in, if your baby will let you, and rest when your baby is asleep rather than trying to use this time to catch up on chores. Also take time out, as it is offered by friends and family, to go out and share a meal together or go to the movies.

Other forms of sexual expression, such as touching, kissing, and mutual pleasuring techniques, besides just being nice to do, can also help to re-establish physical closeness with your partner. So take your time getting to know each other again.

Whatever else you do go slowly!!

Then when the time is right begin to reintroduce more sexually based activities into your schedule. The use of water-based vaginal lubricants can help reduce discomfort during intercourse. Vaginal moisturizers also can relieve vaginal dryness and pain.

And don’t be in too much of a hurry to get to intercourse. Masturbate each other or with each other until you are both sufficiently aroused to take it to the next step.

And don’t forget to use some form of contraception. Breastfeeding is not a guarantee against falling pregnant. And I should know as that is how I conceived my fourth child seven months after delivering my third and whilst still breast feeding and feeling absolutely exhausted chasing after two other pre-schoolers.

Finally, take heart. Enjoyment of sexual intercourse will return, even if it is gradual, after childbirth. Give it time and enjoy the little bundle of joy you have created from your love for each other.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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The Secret to Winning Her Back

Oct29

The GentlemanHere’s the story of Tom and Pamela. They met; fell in love, and everything seemed so right. To him that is.

For her it was far from right. Then one day, out of the blue, she tells you she’s “had enough” and is gone, or worse still, she asks you to pack your bags and move out. Sometimes she doesn’t even ask you to pack your bags but she does it for you or just throws your stuff out on the street.

That would be the most humiliating experience anyone has ever had to face and happens more times than we might think.

What do you do now?

After you’ve picked yourself up and settled the anger that’s raging inside of you, you need to ask yourself a few questions.

  • Do you really want to be with your girlfriend again?
  • Do you still love her very much?
  • Is it more important than anything to be with her again?

If yes, then you will have to be careful and restrained. If you really want her back, you need to follow some tips. The first thing you need to do to get her back is to:

Think from her perspective. i.e.: Think like a girl.

You see the problem here is simply that you’ve been thinking like a guy. Guys always seem to miss the subtle clues that girls give off constantly that lets you know if you’re doing the right thing or not. And the most frustrating thing about this is that girls expect you to know this without having to tell you. It will be subtle and you are being tested so always pay attention to what is not being said as well as what is being said.

Really; only when you stop thinking like a man and start thinking like a woman can you possibly understand what’s really going on. And once you’ve got this figured out you will be able to act the way she likes.

The most important thing you should know is DON’T BE CHILDISH. Do not beg, do not follow her everywhere like a puppy and most importantly do not become a stalker. If you will do so she will get even more irritated and will dislike you all the more. That will probably leave you even more desperate.

So don’t show up at her work or wherever she is, thinking she might get back with you if you do. If you do anything like this then you will never be able to get her back.

You need to control your emotions. Girls don’t like men who beg or plead. Women choose men with a healthy ego. Girls like men with an attitude.

PS ‘an attitude’ though is not about thinking you’re better than everyone else. An attitude is about thinking and knowing you are OK no matter what.

And do not call her ten times in a day. Let her know that you still want to be friends with her, by calling her once after one or two weeks have gone by in which she’s had some time to decide what she really wants.

Maturity is the quality that girls like the most. Show her that you are still interested and mature enough to be willing to look at your faults and to hear her out before deciding if there is something you could or should do differently.

It might be that there are some things you’d like her to do differently as well but now is not the time to be highlighting those. Just use this time to really listen to her. Find out what the issues are and decide what there is to learn from this experience so you can then demonstrate a change in how you are with her.

And if that is good enough you’ve got a real chance of winning her back. If not she’ll let you know that too.

Follow these tips and you might not even have to ask her to get back with you. She might just ask you to come back herself.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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The Secret of a Good Marriage

Oct1

flaws
A good marriage is the ultimate dream of every person in relationship. From the moment the decision to marry has been made right through the preparation of the wedding ceremony; the couple can’t help but to create their own fantasy about a good marriage.

Unfortunately, for some it only ever is a fantasy. The reality often falls a long way short of what they thought would be their ‘happy ever after’. They may try their best, yet still find themselves in a disastrous relationship. And then there are those who create a success of their relationship and come to live a completely happy married life.

So, what is their secret?

Obviously, they do not use some magic potion to create a good married life. The simple secret to their great marriage is “accepting the flaws”. Yes, these three simple words are all it takes to make your marriage a successful one.

Every human being on this earth is flawed. We each have our strengths and our weaknesses. There is some good and some bad in every person. If you accept this fact about you partner, and about yourself as well by the way, you will never see you marriage at the verge of divorce.

Here’s how it works.

When I can see and accept the flaws in you and I can see and accept the flaws in me and recognize that it is those flaws that make us unique and special then I don’t have to try and change it.

For those of you are collectors of stamps, coins or other paraphernalia you will understand that it is often a flaw, an imperfection, that is what really gives something its value. And so it is with human beings. If we were all the same there would be nothing to learn and how boring would that be?

And  maybe the greatest challenge of all is that in discovering those flaws and learning from them we can come to applaud them in our partner as well as in ourselves or change them as we need to improve our life.

Where Forgiveness comes into this.

The very act of accepting the other, flaws and all, as well as ourselves implies by this acceptance forgiveness. That doesn’t mean an exoneration of any wrong doing but in being able to forgive we lay the path for the future to be different from the past.

Another important thing that you should know about marriage is that fights are inevitable. When two people spend time together, it will be inevitable that they will hurt and disappoint each other, and when this happens, there will likely be a fight as each tries to justify what they did or attempts to change the others view to their own.

Humans make mistakes, and when this is realized then it is time to find out what there is to learn, learn it, find forgiveness and acceptance of the other for who they are and move on.

Sometimes I meet with couples, especially those who may have only known each other a short time, who believe that any and every disagreement they have means that their relationship is in threat. The belief is that their relationship always needs to be in perfect harmony. But guess what? If it were always in harmony where would be the incentive to learn and grow? Just like an athlete; if they don’t experience a little discomfort from time to time they would not find the limits of where there sport can take them. And it is no different in relationships.

So whatever else it means these fights do not have to mean that you made a wrong decision marrying this person and so it should not have to sound like the death knell for your relationship. Fighting with your spouse does not means that they do not love you or you do not love them.

Therefore, when you have an argument with your spouse, give them their time to think, and take some time yourself to think, then speak again until you both understand where each other is coming from and what, if anything, might need to be done about it to improve your future. This might be something specific or just simply an acceptance of a difference between you.

And always remember this; the only couple that never fights are the ones that stand on top of the cream frosting of your wedding cake. And they do not fight because they do not talk to each other.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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Have You Been Bitten By the Green-eyed Monster?

Sep24

jealous

Sometimes couples come into me with an issue around jealousy, otherwise known as the “Green-eyed Monster”.

When you feel jealous of someone, the slightest gesture of deception seems to be the greatest betrayal of the world. You cannot see them talking and socializing with anyone, you just want them to pay attention to you and only to you. You feel insecure when they show any attention to someone else.

When you feel such jealousy you begin to think all the negative things. And when you begin to feel like this about someone, then there is also a big chance that you will begin to doubt their honesty and sincerity to you and once you create that thought in your mind your relationship becomes at risk.

You become a pessimist and may even begin to dislike your partner. You may have no idea of the jealousy that is consuming you as you find justification for how you are thinking.

Maybe it’s normal after all

All this said – being jealous of someone you love is a natural response that is present in the early stages of your relationship. Obviously when you love someone you want to hold onto them tightly because they are very important to you. In actual fact this really only becomes an issue when you have passed through this stage and when one of you is ready to return to some ‘normalcy’ in your life and the other is not able to.

For more on the stages of relationship and what is ‘normal’ look at my articles on the “stages of relationships”.

In this circumstance the issue is generally raised by the person who is just trying to get on with their life and who feels most the intrusion of the other party into their affairs. Sometimes this takes the form of checking out that person’s emails or phone messages and sometimes it becomes much more disturbing where one party might even attempt to stop the other party doing anything without that person being present to it. This could even impose on the person being able to carry out their normal social and/or work responsibilities. The result can be a feeling of being stifled.

Getting over it

When I hear this kind of story my first questions are generally about whether there has ever been any evidence of behavior that warrants such a response. If not, then I take a closer look at the jealous person’s history as generally it will be found that this person has experienced a loss or a disappointment somewhere in a past relationship and is now believing that that is how everyone will treat them in relationship.

If you are with someone who is acting jealously in your relationship, the first thing you can do to help you is to and remind them that you love them. Tell them how you feel and ask them how they feel. In other words, keep the communication channels open while not getting into a defensive or aggressive position.

And if you are the one who is jealous keep in mind that your partner loves you or they wouldn’t be there at all. You must have trust in them if you want to encourage a good relationship.

Most importantly don’t allow past experiences to flavor your present relationship. And if you need to get some professional help to guide you through.

Maybe the last word here should be given to Shakespeare who, it is believed, was the first to coin the term in his play “The Merchant of Venice”, in 1596, and who through his character, Portia, offers some good advice:

Portia:
How all the other passions fleet to air,
As doubtful thoughts, and rash-embraced despair,
And shuddering fear, and green-eyed jealousy! O love,
Be moderate; allay thy ecstasy,
In measure rein thy joy; scant this excess.
I feel too much thy blessing: make it less,
For fear I surfeit.

 

So until next time – Relate with Love

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Love versus Infatuation

Sep17

Body Language

When we first meet someone we can sometimes confuse a very strong feeling of attraction towards them, one that we might think is love, for what is actually infatuation.

We might then notice our attraction towards that person decreasing and we realize that if we act on this feeling too quickly we may have made a mistake. So, how do we avoid such a mistake? The difference between love and infatuation is not so obvious, especially for those who develop this infatuation which, by the way, is the prelude to all loving relationships.

If you want to know if you are in love or if it’s just infatuation, then think about how long you have felt this feeling and what the reason was for this feeling. The person might have helped you with something and you felt strong gratitude towards them. You were impressed by them, and thought of the feeling of gratitude as an attraction or even to be love.

Sometimes the very fact of someone paying us some particular attention can be grounds to convince ourselves that we are loved and thereby happy to return that love.

I even quite often hear people say that they feel they have found their ‘soul mate’. And they honestly believe this to be so even if they may have only known this person for a short time.

A Trick of Nature?

Of course when we first meet someone we’re all on our best behavior. It is very easy to fool ourselves into believing that this is who the person really is.

In truth the only way we can really assess whether what we feel is love, or just infatuation, is to allow time to be the judge. Get to know this person as well as you can to assess your compatibility with them. And maybe the only sure test is to watch them when they’re under extreme stress as this will naturally bring out the best, or worst, in each of us.

So before, telling anyone that you love them and want to be in a relationship with them, be patient, and wait for some time to pass. Wait and see if the feeling that you think is love, decreases or if it stays somewhat the same over time or even grows.

Take off the rose-colored glasses and notice their flaws because you must love this part of your partner as well. Ask yourself: Would you still be able to love them knowing all their weaknesses and shortcomings?

Then if you get into something serious with them, and/or into marriage, then it would be a well thought through decision, not one based on impulse, and would truly become the best decision of your life.

The Lesson

So take some time before making that decision as it will be so important for your life, and the life of your potential partner and children.

And if after all this, your feelings towards this person remain the same, then it will be important to check that the feelings are reciprocated. You should see if they love you or not, and if they do then there is no reason not to be in a relationship with them.

Love Is Blind!

Love is a strange feeling; sometimes it makes us do things seemingly so insane that we might not otherwise have done them. But, if we all had our full faculties present, maybe none of us would ever even attempt to go there for fear of what might happen.

Yet, love is the most beautiful of all the emotions known to man and it makes life more beautiful and lovely; and well and truly worth the risk.

But, before making the decision to spend the rest of your life with a person you need to know whether what you feel towards them is truly love or just infatuation.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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I am not in love – can i still be happy in a relationship?

Sep10

Couple relaxing on sofa
I think this question needs some qualifiers first about love and what is love as well as about relationship and what is a relationship.

In this context I will use love to mean any deep and meaningful caring of one person toward another.

So I can truly love my partner but I can also equally love my children, my brothers and sisters, my friends and acquaintances. This definition excludes love that is sexual or lustful as it goes far beyond that.

Relationship then I will use to presume some understanding that two or more people have with each other that is based on the special qualities of the care they give such as in a partnership, a family or with friends.

In this context I’m excluding those in the general population for whom you may care deeply about but with whom you don’t have a special connection as in a relationship.

So from this perspective for a relationship to exist it must be based on love; a relationship cannot stay alive if you do not have love for that person.

Yet, I have seen some people who say they are in a relationship and at the same time, they tell me that they do not love the person they are with. Maybe what they’re talking about is love in the context of a sexual connection or an otherwise intimate connection.

These can then become relationships of convenience or companionship or one in which the couple have lost the passion and/or the will to nurture that and consequently exist only as friends or room mates. I believe long-term these kind of relationships will become unsustainable

Is it possible to be happy in relationship without love?

And as the question asks – is it possible to be happy in these relationships? The short answer is ‘yes’ in a manner of speaking. The longer answer though is ‘maybe not’. Let me explain what I mean here.

Firstly we’ve all heard of the notion that before we can love others we must love ourselves. This is often stated but I wonder how many people really understand what it means. I rather live by the notion that ‘to love ourselves is to love another’ and inversely ‘to love another is to love ourselves’. The indicator then that we love ourselves is in our capacity to truly love another and the indicator that we love another is in our capacity to truly love ourselves. It has to work both ways and is based on our capacity to love ourselves or another unconditionally, without any expectation. Now there’s a mind blower!!

Relationships are there to make us happy; obligate yourself to them. And if you are not getting happiness from a relationship, then maybe you need to look within yourself before looking at the other. And they need to do the same if it is they who are struggling with the capacity to love.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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What Is God’s Will for Me?

Sep3

KissFrom my reader – “Thank you for this opportunity. I hope your site can help to educate many in the area of marriage, so that we can have a community of very happy people – to the glory of God. The following are the common burning questions: – For believers, they want to know if the person they are about to marry is God’s will for them – Wives have a biblical obligation to respect their husbands; what should happen if marrying a man would cause a lady to lose her (sic) carrier (career) desire; is this ok for the sake of love, and biblical respect? – When couples have a problem, who is the best person to consult for advice (pastor, family, friend, nobody etc) – Can an unbeliever be the will of God for marriage to a believer? – Can you marry, and hope to change someone in the course of marriage life? Other questions may follow later. My little contribution to your site for the moment. May the Holy Spirit inspire and grant you wisdom. Thank you and God bless you”

I’ll preface the answer to this question by saying that I’m agnostic. I’m simply not sure that God exists and therefore believe in the idea that we are free to make whatever decisions we wish to in our lives, for good or for bad. I further believe that our experience of our lives comes from the beliefs that we create as a consequence of our previous life experiences.

Consequently I believe that the bible is a book of stories written by ordinary people of the time, based on their understanding of life, and reflecting their experiences. The purpose was to get a message across to their fellow-men in the only way they knew how and with whatever tools they had at their disposal at the time; stories.

So here are my thoughts on the questions asked:

For anyone going into a relationship, Christian or not, they want to know if the person they are about to marry is the best for them. I think that the best relationships come from your will to be the best you can be for that person and to go into relationship with an absolute commitment to being that. So if you believe that you can’t give your best to the person you are considering marriage to then you should not go there at all.

I want to repeat what I just said – I didn’t say that they, your future partner, has to do or be anything. I want it to be really clear here that the success of your relationship is entirely about you and your commitment and your good will to the other person. If that is good enough and it may, or may not depending on who they are, be reciprocated. All you have to decide is whether you have it within you to be and give entirely of your love to another. And this by the way may need to be a daily decision.

The writer also mentions the obligation of a woman to respect her husband. For relationship to be successful respect needs to be both ways. And, given the times we now live in, this should also be a respect for his wife’s career choices and right to pursue a career as she wants, just as he should have respect from his wife to choose his career as he wants.

And what of the question whether a non-believer can be a God willing partner to a believer. If there were such a thing, then I’m sure God would bless this union as well as any other as a means of bringing out the best in both people.

This is also what I believe a good relationship is about: me learning from you and you learning from me. This might even lead to some changes in both of us in the process. Let my put a qualifier on this though which is; don’t ever expect that you can change someone else either by marriage or otherwise. Change may happen but it will be by their choice not yours just as this article may change you but not because of anything that I’ve said but by your consideration and decision as a consequence to what I’ve said.

And the last question raised in this question was about where you go when you need advice. Any of the people you mentioned may be a good choice. You may even find an answer in discussion with the person who probably knows you best of all and that is your partner. Here the critical component is that they are supportive of you and are willing to take the time to really hear what you have to say before responding.

And finally let me applaud the writer for their want for a community of happy people. I want for that too and while you might want it for the glory of God, I will seek for it to happen for the glory of your children and the children of your children.

Thank you to the author of this question for your blessings. They are humbly accepted and sincerely appreciated.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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Are You Addicted To Love?

Aug20

man smoking cigaroMarriage is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in your life and maybe only second to becoming a parent. Consequently it is crucial that it is a decision made with considerable thought and care to ensure that, as much as possible, it will create a lasting relationship.

Having said that I have never come across anyone who made a decision to marry with the intent of divorcing and yet, as we know, more than 40% of first marriages do end in divorce and the statistics are even higher for second and subsequent marriages – 60%++.

Is There Something Wrong That They Have Been Married Three Times?

Maybe there is or maybe it is that some people just keep making wrong decisions. For some people it just takes time to figure out that the relationship is just not working. Maybe some people are just poor judges of character or don’t know themselves well enough to know who actually might be a good match for them.

Maybe there are people who just don’t take the time needed to know someone well enough, or long enough, before diving into a marriage.

And then there are those who are just plain addicted to love. It’s like the beginning part of a relationship, the honeymoon stage, feels so good that they want to create it again and again. So as soon as the fire in the current relationship starts to flicker then the love addict will end the relationship and go and seek the buzz of another new relationship.

If a person has been married three times should I stay away from them?

As already spoken about there can be many reasons why people end a marriage. So for someone who has been married three times, the decision to marry them, or not, needs to be based on a clear understanding as to why this has happened in the past and the likelihood of it happening again.

If they have come to understand what it means to be married and still want to marry you then there should be no problem. If you don’t go ahead you might be missing out on the possibility of creating something truly beautiful with your soul mate. And while they might not have been able to make it with someone else it might just be that this time it will work with you.

Marriage is a very beautiful relationship and the depth of relationship that is possible comes from the heart not from the mind. The mind may tell you not to marry a person who has been divorced, but the heart tells you marry them, because you love them. Listen to what both your heart and mind have to say and then make a decision. Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones to make it last your lifetime.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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