A good marriage is the ultimate dream of every person in relationship. From the moment the decision to marry has been made right through the preparation of the wedding ceremony; the couple can’t help but to create their own fantasy about a good marriage.
Unfortunately, for some it only ever is a fantasy. The reality often falls a long way short of what they thought would be their ‘happy ever after’. They may try their best, yet still find themselves in a disastrous relationship. And then there are those who create a success of their relationship and come to live a completely happy married life.
So, what is their secret?
Obviously, they do not use some magic potion to create a good married life. The simple secret to their great marriage is “accepting the flaws”. Yes, these three simple words are all it takes to make your marriage a successful one.
Every human being on this earth is flawed. We each have our strengths and our weaknesses. There is some good and some bad in every person. If you accept this fact about you partner, and about yourself as well by the way, you will never see you marriage at the verge of divorce.
Here’s how it works.
When I can see and accept the flaws in you and I can see and accept the flaws in me and recognize that it is those flaws that make us unique and special then I don’t have to try and change it.
For those of you are collectors of stamps, coins or other paraphernalia you will understand that it is often a flaw, an imperfection, that is what really gives something its value. And so it is with human beings. If we were all the same there would be nothing to learn and how boring would that be?
And maybe the greatest challenge of all is that in discovering those flaws and learning from them we can come to applaud them in our partner as well as in ourselves or change them as we need to improve our life.
Where Forgiveness comes into this.
The very act of accepting the other, flaws and all, as well as ourselves implies by this acceptance forgiveness. That doesn’t mean an exoneration of any wrong doing but in being able to forgive we lay the path for the future to be different from the past.
Another important thing that you should know about marriage is that fights are inevitable. When two people spend time together, it will be inevitable that they will hurt and disappoint each other, and when this happens, there will likely be a fight as each tries to justify what they did or attempts to change the others view to their own.
Humans make mistakes, and when this is realized then it is time to find out what there is to learn, learn it, find forgiveness and acceptance of the other for who they are and move on.
Sometimes I meet with couples, especially those who may have only known each other a short time, who believe that any and every disagreement they have means that their relationship is in threat. The belief is that their relationship always needs to be in perfect harmony. But guess what? If it were always in harmony where would be the incentive to learn and grow? Just like an athlete; if they don’t experience a little discomfort from time to time they would not find the limits of where there sport can take them. And it is no different in relationships.
So whatever else it means these fights do not have to mean that you made a wrong decision marrying this person and so it should not have to sound like the death knell for your relationship. Fighting with your spouse does not means that they do not love you or you do not love them.
Therefore, when you have an argument with your spouse, give them their time to think, and take some time yourself to think, then speak again until you both understand where each other is coming from and what, if anything, might need to be done about it to improve your future. This might be something specific or just simply an acceptance of a difference between you.
And always remember this; the only couple that never fights are the ones that stand on top of the cream frosting of your wedding cake. And they do not fight because they do not talk to each other.
So until next time – Relate with Love