Friends and the Media are full of ideas about how to get your boyfriend back after he has dumped you. Here is a sample of some of the things that I have heard and read:

“Getting your ex back is not difficult. You just have to be a bit subtle and think from the point of view of a man. Keep one thing in mind; you got him once so you can get him again.”

“Do not plead with him to get back with you. No man likes a girl who is so miserable for him, and do not do anything that is stupid, even if you are desperate to get back with him. Be patient, it might take a while for him to get back with you again.”

“Do not show him that you are desperate to get him back. Do not be a stalker. Try to be mature. If you meet him at work or at the mall, or some other place, just say hello, ask how he is, and move on. If he asks something more, answer it but then leave it at that. Neither should you start begging him to get back with you nor should you be rude. Stay calm when you meet him.”

“If he calls you then do not show that you are very thrilled to get his call, just give a mild “OKAY” expression, to show that it does not matter if he calls you or not. If he does not call, you can call him every couple of weeks just to ask how he is doing. Do not tell him with straight words that you want to get back with him.”

“Avoid calling him 10 times a day or going to his home or wherever he might be. If you do so, he will dislike you even more than before.  You have to be very subtle, you have to deliver him the message that you miss him, yet you cannot say it in words.”

The Better Way to Get Him Back

I’m not sure that any of this advice is sensible let alone the way to go when your boyfriend has left you. Here are my thoughts on the topic:

Firstly ask yourself this question and be very honest with the answer – “Given all that has happened do you really want him back?” If the answer is “no” then nothing more needs to be said. If the answer is “yes because it is just so painful to be the one left” – then check further if this is a good enough reason to fight for him to come back.

If the answer is “yes!” because you really want him to be a part of your life, then follow these three steps:

1. Take some time firstly to figure out what went wrong so you can ensure that you don’t get into the same situation again.
2. It might even be sensible to write down what you have learned about yourself, others, relationships and/or life that will make this breakup a positive experience rather than a negative experience.
3. Then find some way to put into words, as openly and as honestly as you can what you understand as being your responsibility for what went wrong with a request for forgiveness of that.

When you’ve complete these three steps find a way then to deliver the message to him. This might be delivered via a card, an electronic communication or in person. As you request forgiveness of him make sure you also discover a way to forgive yourself.

Warning! Warning!

A word of caution here: the purpose of this exercise is not to obtain an apology from him nor to guilt him into coming back to you. Be genuine in your apology and know that it may or may not get him back. You need to accept whatever the outcome of that apology is. The purpose here is to find a path to clear away any baggage from the past so you open a way to the future which might be either with or without him.

Hopefully he will have followed a similar process and together you will make a good decision about whether it’s worth giving it another go or whether it really is time to move on.

And it goes without saying that the same formula applies if you are the man in this relationship where she has walked out on you.

So until next time – Relate with Love