Tag Archive | happiness

Keeping the Fun in Relationships Alive

Keeping the Fun in Relationships Alive

There are some statistics from research that show that children laugh at least two hundred times a day. How this is defined could be open to interpretation but from my recall of the data this could be anything from a smile to a giggle to a good old belly laugh. And if my own eleven month old granddaughter is anything to go by, this is absolutely correct especially as the adults around her spend so much of their time trying to make her laugh.

By adulthood though the figure drops considerably to less than – now hear this; TEN laughs a day. I think that is a really sad indictment of our busy lives and of our relationships.

It was with some interest that I received a question recently about how to keep the fun in relationships alive. The short answer to this question is; I’m not sure, but let me have a go at this one and see what comes out of it.

When I observe young lovers, or old ones for that matter, there is naturally lots of happiness and laughter just as there is in the uninhibited happiness and laughter of childhood. This comes from two sources. The first is a means of attracting another person to us. We are much more attractive when we are smiling and appearing to be happy then when we are looking miserable. The second source is that when we are new to a relationship we tend to create occasions to share with our loved one that are fun and exciting and which will encourage that happiness and laughter. And of course for most of you just to see the face of your beloved brings you joy.

Then as we progress in our relationship we fail to create these happy occasions so eagerly or so regularly and consequently have fewer occasions to be happy and to laugh about.

Keeping the Fun Alive

There really are numerous ways to keep the fun alive.

Plan occasions that will be fun. Instead of sitting at home on a Sunday go out and find something to do. Just by going out for something simple like a coffee or lunch and spending time watching other people on their outings can bring opportunities for joy and laughter.

And it’s not just outings that can bring fun into relationships. Cook your meals together, play games, read jokes to each other, connect physically either in sex play or by something simple like tickling each other.

Most importantly make time for each other separate from your work and other commitments. At the end of your work day put your work away and don’t bring it home with you either actually or in your head. When you are at work, work and when you get home be there.

Remember This: You can’t just make fun happen but you can create the conditions for it. Wherever you are and whatever you do give it your 100% commitment and fun will come from it. You can’t smell the roses if you’re not there and you can’t have fun if your mind is somewhere else. Be with your partner with all your body, soul and mind and you won’t be able to help but enjoy keeping the fun alive.

Keeping the fun alive is simply this: Keep the fun alive.

A Social Experiment

This is a task I often give clients who are unhappy in their lives wondering why people are not paying them any attention. Next time you are wandering downtown make eye contact and smile at passers-by. Notice the response you get. Then remove your smile and replace it with a sullen look. Notice the response you get now. If you smile people are more likely to smile back and maybe even greet you. If you look sullen people will most likely look the other way and avoid you.

The same applies to your relationship. Be happy in yourself and your partner will be happy with you. You then can’t help but to have fun.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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Is It In His Kiss?

Many of you are asking ‘how to …’ questions so in this week’s article/blog I have selected ten of the most common ‘how to’s …’ to answer. These are just my thoughts so do go to the comments link and add your own.

  1. How Do I Know he/she Loves Me?
  2. How Can I please Him?
  3. How Do I know he means it?
  4. How can I make him happy?
  5. How do I know what women want most in a relationship?
  6. How do I prove I love her?
  7. How do I let her know I love her?
  8. How do I know it will last forever?
  9. How do I show him I love him?
  10. How do I know if I can trust her?

The song written by Rudy Clark in 1964, and made famous by Cher in 1991, titled ‘It’s In His Kiss’ may answer some of these questions. Here are the lyrics:

kiss on the stepsDoes he love me?
I wanna know!
How can I tell if he loves me so?
(Is it in his eyes?)
Oh no! You need to see!
(Is it in his size?)
Oh no! You make-believe!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
It’s in his kiss!
(That’s where it is!)

(Oh yeah! Or is it in his face?)
no girls! It’s just his charms!
(In his warm embrace?)
no girls! That’s just his arms!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
It’s in his kiss!
(That’s where it is!)
yeah!! It’s in his kiss!
(That’s where it is!)

Oh, oh, oh, honey !
Squeeze him tight!
Find out what you wanna know!
promise love, and if it really is,
It’s there in his kiss! …

Is it really in his kiss, or in his eyes or face or arms? Or is it in none of these? Does this song really sum it all up or is there more to it.

Well, I think there is a whole lot more to it. And if you think the answers are to be found anywhere outside of the relationship, I think that you might also be looking in the wrong place.

So if the answers are not in their kiss, and not out there, where are they?
I’ll answer that question in a moment. Let me firstly say this: What these kinds of questions echo for me is that either you’re not asking the right questions or you just don’t trust yourself, or your intuition, enough to believe that what you’re hearing is the truth, or that they are actually lies.

Or maybe you’re just not asking any questions at all out of fear of what you’ll hear or worse, that you might get an outright rejection. Maybe this is because you’re not yet sure enough about your own love; either of the other or of yourself or do not have an absolute belief that you are worthy of love. What happens then instead is that you try to guess what’s really going on or hope that someone else may be able to help with the answers.

Maybe the issue here is really about trust: Trust of yourself to know the truth when you hear it and/or trust of the other to believe that what they are saying will answer your questions truthfully.

So where do you find the answer to these questions? Ask the person who really should be answering them. The truth really is there, and is plain to see when you open yourself to it. Be brave – ask the questions you really want to know the answers to and trust that he or she will answer you honestly. Then look into your own heart to determine if the response actually is the truth: If it is you’ll know it. If it’s not or you still are not sure maybe this person is not the one you should commit yourself to.

If, after getting the answers to your questions you feel sure about the answers then kiss him or her often and take the time to make it heartfelt. Show him or her through your kiss that you truly love them. The only question I have for you then is ‘how could they not love you forever?’

So until next time – Relate with Love

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