There are some statistics from research that show that children laugh at least two hundred times a day. How this is defined could be open to interpretation but from my recall of the data this could be anything from a smile to a giggle to a good old belly laugh. And if my own eleven month old granddaughter is anything to go by, this is absolutely correct especially as the adults around her spend so much of their time trying to make her laugh.
By adulthood though the figure drops considerably to less than – now hear this; TEN laughs a day. I think that is a really sad indictment of our busy lives and of our relationships.
It was with some interest that I received a question recently about how to keep the fun in relationships alive. The short answer to this question is; I’m not sure, but let me have a go at this one and see what comes out of it.
When I observe young lovers, or old ones for that matter, there is naturally lots of happiness and laughter just as there is in the uninhibited happiness and laughter of childhood. This comes from two sources. The first is a means of attracting another person to us. We are much more attractive when we are smiling and appearing to be happy then when we are looking miserable. The second source is that when we are new to a relationship we tend to create occasions to share with our loved one that are fun and exciting and which will encourage that happiness and laughter. And of course for most of you just to see the face of your beloved brings you joy.
Then as we progress in our relationship we fail to create these happy occasions so eagerly or so regularly and consequently have fewer occasions to be happy and to laugh about.
Keeping the Fun Alive
There really are numerous ways to keep the fun alive.
Plan occasions that will be fun. Instead of sitting at home on a Sunday go out and find something to do. Just by going out for something simple like a coffee or lunch and spending time watching other people on their outings can bring opportunities for joy and laughter.
And it’s not just outings that can bring fun into relationships. Cook your meals together, play games, read jokes to each other, connect physically either in sex play or by something simple like tickling each other.
Most importantly make time for each other separate from your work and other commitments. At the end of your work day put your work away and don’t bring it home with you either actually or in your head. When you are at work, work and when you get home be there.
Remember This: You can’t just make fun happen but you can create the conditions for it. Wherever you are and whatever you do give it your 100% commitment and fun will come from it. You can’t smell the roses if you’re not there and you can’t have fun if your mind is somewhere else. Be with your partner with all your body, soul and mind and you won’t be able to help but enjoy keeping the fun alive.
Keeping the fun alive is simply this: Keep the fun alive.
A Social Experiment
This is a task I often give clients who are unhappy in their lives wondering why people are not paying them any attention. Next time you are wandering downtown make eye contact and smile at passers-by. Notice the response you get. Then remove your smile and replace it with a sullen look. Notice the response you get now. If you smile people are more likely to smile back and maybe even greet you. If you look sullen people will most likely look the other way and avoid you.
The same applies to your relationship. Be happy in yourself and your partner will be happy with you. You then can’t help but to have fun.
So until next time – Relate with Love