To know in your mind, and feel in your heart, that you are in a committed relationship and that whatever happens, your partner will still be there for you, brings a sense of security to those in the relationship that love alone cannot provide.
One thing I often ask a couple when beginning work with them is whether they are committed to each other as well as to the relationship. The answer to this question is even more important than the answer to the question – “Do you love your partner?” as the two may actually not be mutually inclusive.
Let me explain this a little more. You might believe that you love your boyfriend or girlfriend with no interest in making it a long-term relationship. You may equally feel committed to the relationship without really being in love: Love may be more a feeling that comes from the heart while commitment maybe more a thought that comes from the mind.
So, what if your boyfriend or girlfriend says that he or she wants to be with you but will not commit? For many this raises the question – “DOES HE REALLY LOVE ME?” The answer may be “yes!” he does love you but for whatever reason cannot commit to you.
So what does this really mean?
Commitment may encompass love but it’s really a whole lot more. It is the unconditional giving of all of oneself to the welfare of the other and to the relationship above all else. It requires an absolute acceptance of an obligation to and a responsibility for another human being and to the connection between you.
For some contemplating doing this is way scarier even than just saying “I love you!”
Commitment refers to the “honor” part of the marriage vows that state that you will each “love and honor each other all the days of your life”. For some this is just too big a thing to ask.
If you ever face such a situation, you need to consider a few things before deciding whether to continue with him or her. If you are truly serious about him or her, then he or she should also be equally serious about you and if he or she is not, I would suggest you think very carefully about continuing the relationship.
To help you decide think firstly about what may be the possible reasons that he or she is not committing.
Sometimes the hesitation is because of some earlier life experience either as they observed their own parents or other family members where there has been heartache and pain. Maybe the reason they cannot commit is that they love someone else and they are just having fun with you or more specifically you are just a “TIME PASS”.
Alternatively they just might not be sure what they want, or they want everything. The sad thing is that generally such people end up with nothing.
So what do you do about it?
If you hear from your partner that he loves you and is committed to you but you don’t feel it clearly in your heart and mind there are three possible directions you can take:
Firstly take a closer look at yourself to see if you are the one fearful of really giving yourself to this relationship.
Also take a close look at him or her and in conversation express your concerns openly and honestly. Ask questions about their earlier life experiences and about their beliefs about relationship to assess whether the issue may be from somewhere in their past.
If you still don’t feel you are getting a convincing answer then consider carefully whether it’s time to move on, for the truth is that there are some out there to whom you will give and give and from whom, for all you give them, will simply not be able to match it in return.
This might sound harsh but sometimes the kindest thing to do for you and/or for another is to let it go. There’s an old adage that says something to the effect of: if you truly love something let it go, if it flies away it’s not yours to have if it comes back it will be yours forever.
So until next time – Relate with Love