Communication Breakdown

Jan3

One of the most fundamental elements in any relationship is communication and when communication breaks down its vital that you find out the cause of the breakdown so that you can fix the problem before it permanently damages the relationship.

Communication can break down in a relationship for a variety of reasons. But whether it is the birth of a baby, financial strains or distrust of the other in the relationship it invariably comes down to either lack of time or lack of skills that is the real source of communication failing.

When a new baby arrives tiredness and time constraints while parents are busy with baby naturally put a strain on a relationship. Often it is the case where one of the couple stays home to care for the baby while the other continues to go to work. So not just are there sleepless nights to contend with but changing roles and social and financial pressures as well.

Struggling with financial issues can be extremely stressful for either one or both partners in a relationship.  If one partner typically handles the finances in a relationship they may not wish to worry their partner so they may struggle internally with the financial concerns.

While this is a noble gesture, it can also cause a communication breakdown in the relationship.  The one partner may feel that this is a burden they need to bear on their own and therefore avoid talking about the subject with their partner.  The problem with this is that in trying to avoid conversations regarding finances they may end up avoiding conversations all together.

For example, a conversation about where to go out to dinner may be avoided because thinking about spending too much money on leisure activities causes too much anxiety on one of the partners.  The partner who is unaware of the financial concerns may be offended by their partner’s avoidance of a simple conversation.

Regardless of the cause of the communication breakdown, it is vital to the health of the relationship to reopen the lines of communication. 

One way to avoid or reverse having a communication breakdown over changing roles or finances is to share the responsibility and openly discuss concerns over parenting or financial matters.  Doing this will ensure that neither partner becomes consumed by that responsibility thus preventing it from affecting the relationship.

Changing roles  and financial concerns can induce enough stress to destroy even the most secure relationships but planning ahead and speaking openly can help a couple avoid a communication breakdown.

Distrust is another factor that can affect communication in a relationship.  If one of the partners has a reason to be suspicious of the other it creates a distrust that directly affects communication.

Also, if one person has a reason to feel guilty in a relationship, it may result in a breakdown in communication.  This lack of trust or guilt may result in the couple not wanting to communicate either because they don’t want to have their suspicions confirmed or because they don’t want their secret to be revealed.

These feelings of suspicion or guilt may lead to strained conversations that are purposefully not very meaningful.

One way to avoid a breakdown in communication in this situation is to always be upfront with your partner.  Whether it’s suspicion or guilt that is driving your fear of communication, being honest with your partner will alleviate your fears and reopen the lines of communication.  You run the risk of having your suspicions confirmed but it’s better to be sure than to destroy your relationship while doubt remains.

Since open and honest communication is critical to a healthy relationship, it’s important to understand why communication breaks down and to work towards repairing that.

Simply put: Maintaining or restoring an open and honest communication link can ensure that a relationship not only endures but thrives.

So until next time – Relate with Love

We’re Having A Baby!!

Dec12

The wedding and the honeymoon have now become long distant memories as you, a newly formed couple, settle in to the reality of married life. And while adjusting to being part of a couple brings its own challenges nothing can adequately prepare you for what lies ahead as you contemplate expanding your newly created family further through the introduction of a child.

While the birth of your first child may be a glorious and blessed event that you both look forward to, the arrival of a new baby will inevitably put strains on your relationship.

The addition of a new element into the relationship that previously comprised just the two of you can be stressful.  As you learn to balance your time and ensure that both your partner and your child are receiving enough of your attention, there may be a period where the stress of making this adjustment causes a breakdown in communication.

While they don’t begrudge the attention that you lavish on the new baby it does take an adjustment period to deal with the fact that they no longer are the centre of your universe, or you there’s, with your undivided attention.

Also, typically the birth of a baby leads to a complete change of routine as well as sleep deprivation for you both.

While you may have previously been used to doing things as you please, you now realize that most activities must be planned around the baby’s schedule which is often unpredictable.  This new schedule, coupled with the lack of sleep that typically plagues new parents, can put a great deal of pressure on your relationship.

To avoid a total communication breakdown it is important for you both to realize that you need to allocate time to spend with the baby and also with each other.  You also need to realize that the sleep deprivation is affecting you both and take turns getting up with the baby.  This is even important for those of you where one of you is working at a paid job during the day.

Most importantly accept that everything you used to do may now not be possible. Your home may not be as tidy as it used to be. The dishes may not always get done immediately.

The lesson to learn here is this: Don’t be too tough on yourself. Make plenty of time for rest and recuperation and don’t forget that it’s still important to make some time for fun. This might be for each of you separately from each other as well as together.

And, above all, keep talking to each other. The only sure way for your partner to know what’s going on for you is that you communicate it to them. Remember that when you are both in stress overload you are not so able to be thinking so clearly of the needs of each other. So check in with each other as a matter of course, preferably daily or at least weekly to ensure you are aware of where each of you is at.

Make the time to really hear each other out for there will be good things to share and there may also be some difficult things to share.

These few simple steps can go a long way in reversing or preventing a communication breakdown and even be your guiding light to making your relationship even more than it was otherwise going to be.

So until next time – Relate with Love

Why Marriages Fail

Dec8

Roughly 50% of all marriages fail and many of those don’t even make it past the first year.  Understanding why this happens can be the  key to ensuring that your own marriage does not fail.

Some factors that contribute to the failure of a marriage include a lack of communication or poor communication, financial issues, children and even the circumstances in which the marriage initially took place.  All of these can exist in a healthy and enduring marriage but if they are not dealt with properly they can lead to the failure of the marriage.

Most importantly, when a couple marries for reasons other than true love the marriage may be doomed before it starts.

Communication is critical to the success of a marriage.  Without appropriate communication, conflict resolution becomes a difficult issue.  If the couple lacks the communication skills necessary to resolve their problems, then even the smallest problems can become insurmountable.

Good Communication allows a relationship to grow and thrive by giving the partners an opportunity to share their dreams, concerns, hopes and desires with each other.  Good Communication also gives the couple a healthy way to resolve their arguments.  If one or both partners lack effective communications skills it becomes difficult to resolve arguments because the couple is not able to understand each other’s points of view.

If the marriage is already in trouble, both partners in the marriage must be dedicated to working on their communication skills in order to improve or even salvage their marriage.

Love may conquer all but sometimes even love isn’t enough to save a marriage when there are significant financial concerns.  While financial concerns in and of themselves may not be the cause of a failed marriage the tension that financial concerns create is often the culprit in a failed marriage.  Financial concerns can be a heavy burden to bear and when a couple is struggling to meet their financial obligations, there can be a tremendous amount of pressure in the relationship.  This pressure may be enough to destroy an otherwise healthy marriage.

If one of the partners in the marriage becomes obsessed with the marital finances they can begin to neglect other aspects of the marriage.  This neglectful behaviour can have the effect of making the spouse feel ignored and lonely.

Even the circumstances surrounding the marriage can lead to its failure.  A marriage of convenience is often not a healthy marriage.  When the decision to marry is based on something other than true love, it is likely that the marriage will fail.

Some examples of marriage circumstances that may lead to failure may include getting married because there is a baby on the way or because the couple is feeling pressured to get married by friends and family members.  Neither of these reasons is a truly valid.

Marrying too young is another reason why many marriages fail.  While the right age to marry varies greatly depending on the person, many people argue that the teens and early twenties are too early to get married.  Getting married before you have had a chance to enjoy many of life’s experiences can result in resentfulness in the marriage and can be the cause of failure of the marriage.

Another reason why many marriages fail is that society no longer places importance on the institution of marriage.  Today it is common for couples to live together and have children without being married.  With this lessening value placed on marriage in today’s society, couples may not be as strongly committed to making their marriage work and may be quicker to give up on the marriage and each other.

If any of these issues are present in your relationship maybe it would be helpful for you to take a closer look at your relationship and, if needed, seek some assistance to ensure that you don’t become one of the statistics.

So until next time – Relate with Love

Blog

Oct26

Welcome to my blog. Each week I will be adding a new article on some aspect of relationships for you to read. To ensure that you don’t miss any of this valuable material make sure you register your details in the space to your right and then you’ll be reminded by email when a new article has been added.

I hope you will add your comments too so we can get some interesting conversations happening here. And if you have a particular question that you’d like to have an answer to then add that in the comment box and I promise I will answer it as soon as I can either through the comment or via another article.

So until next time – Relate with Love