Tag Archive | Communication Breakdown

10 Secrets to Achieving Perfect Harmony In Your Marriage

Sometimes it is the little things that maintain the peace in a relationship and sometimes it is the bigger decisions that can either harm or help the harmony in the household.

Being aware of your partner’s likes and dislikes is one way to achieve marital harmony. This awareness allows you to operate in a way that keeps your partner’s preferences in mind. If you know what your partner likes and doesn’t like you can take precautions to not engage in an activity that will hurt your partner. Additionally, your partner will respect your consideration of their feelings.

Sharing in the decision-making process is also critical to achieving marital harmony. This is important for a couple of reasons. Firstly it gives you the opportunity to work together to make the important decisions that will affect you both and secondly it helps to make you both feel involved in the process. Also, if one of you takes the responsibility of making decisions without consulting your partner it can lead to resentment especially if the decision turns out to be a bad one.

Another secret to achieving marital harmony is to ensure there’s a balance your career and home life. It is easy to get caught up in your job responsibilities and to begin to allow your job to take precedence over your relationship.

It’s important to realize that no job is more important than your relationship. There may be times that you need to work late or on weekends but try to keep these instances to a minimum. Also, strive to not bring your work home, either physically or mentally, and allow it to encroach on your marriage.

It’s OK to share information about your day and vent any problems you may have had for a little while but going on and on about your job is simply not helpful to anyone least of all you

While agreement is not always possible, it is important for you to realize that even during arguments it’s possible to maintain harmony.

Every marriage is bound to have its problems and disagreements but it’s important to not let that problem linger. When disagreements arise, try working out an amicable agreement but when this is not possible sometimes you just have to agree to disagree and move on with your marriage.

Remember that each morning is a new day and strive to wake up having forgotten any arguments you may have had with your spouse on the previous day. If you made your best effort to resolve the problem and were unable to reach a resolution, set a time to come back to it when both of you are ready, or better still just let it go and start the new day out happy.

Agreeing on financial matters is also key to achieving marital harmony. Money is one of the biggest issues that create the arguments in a marriage; If both of you are aware of your current financial situation and are willing to work together to establish a budget and stick to it, you will avoid unnecessary disagreements.

Perhaps an important secret to achieving marital harmony that is often overlooked is knowing your partner and discussing major issues before getting married. For example if you have always wanted children, it’s best to find out your partners view on children before getting married. Differences of opinion in an area such as this can doom a marriage.

Keeping politics and other sensitive issues separate from who you are as a couple is also important to maintaining harmony. It’s inevitable that you will have opposing viewpoints on certain issues and debate your beliefs but allowing these issues to create a rift it your marriage is not OK. Two people can exist harmoniously in a marriage even with opposing viewpoints as long as they respect each other’s opinions.

Another way to achieve marital harmony is to allow each other some time to be alone. It’s important to spend time together and share interests but sometimes too much time together can become stifling. It’s important for each of you to have interests or hobbies that you participate in without your spouse. This time away from each other helps to maintain harmony by respecting your individuality and need to sometimes do things separately from each other.

Being respectful of your spouse is also very important to achieving marital harmony. Couples that treat themselves and each other with respect are able to maintain a sense of civility and accord even during disagreements. This feeling of respect will help you remain harmonious even in the most trying situations.

One last secret to achieving marital harmony is to share household chores. A couple that divides up the responsibilities in the household and strives to help each other out whenever possible will have an easy time maintaining harmony.

If you have to go as far as drawing up a list of chores and who is responsible for them, go ahead and do that. A written document illustrating who does what around the house will make it clear if one person is carrying too much of the load as well as clarifying exactly what needs to be done.

It is important to not confuse harmony with agreement. Couples do not have to agree on every issue in order to have a sense of marital harmony. There are many factors that contribute to whether or not a marriage is harmonious. Some factors may be bigger than others, but they are all equally important in achieving marital harmony.

How to Say “No” and Mean It

It may be hard enough to say “no” to a request but really meaning it can be even harder.  Many of us are already perpetual “rescuers” who find themselves challenged to even considering answering “no” to a request.  Those of us who are able to say no, at least initially, often end up giving in and conceding to the request because the one in need was able to see that our answer wasn’t firm and persisted until we gave up and  surrendered to their request.

A few tips for how to say “no” and mean it include using a firm voice and not offering apologies for your answer, offering a valid reason for your refusal and consistently answering no if the request is repeated.

A firm and determined tone in your voice is the first step to being able to really say no and mean it.  If you allow your tone to be light the person making the request of you will probably sense that your refusal is not firm.  If your voice does not sound definitive, the other person may make the assumption that your answer is not definitive either and will take another opportunity to repeat their request either immediately or at another time.

A firm voice however, makes it clear that you are not interested in answering “yes” to this request and that future attempts to get you to acquiesce will be futile.  The tone of voice you use is important when saying “no” because it conveys the message that you really mean “no”.

It is also important to not offer an apology when you say “no”.  Doing so may lead the person making the request to believe that you don’t really mean “no”.  While it is acceptable to say that you are sorry you won’t be able to help out, offering your apology simply for saying “no” is not necessary.

If you apologize for your answer, the person making the request will sense that you can be convinced to change your answer.  Apologizing for a refusal might convey a sense of guilt and many people will prey on that vulnerability to get you to change your mind.

Another way to convey the message when you say “no” is to offer a valid reason for your refusal.  This is extremely effective because it lets the person no that your refusal is not based on whim and that you truly have a legitimate reason for not being able to offer your assistance.

You may be too busy to help or have other previous commitments and it is acceptable to offer these reasons to justify your refusal.  If the person making the request understands that you would like to help them but that it’s simply not possible, they will be less likely to repeat their request.  Offering valid reason for answering “no” to a request proves that you really mean “no” and that future attempts to get you to agree are not reasonable.

Saying “no” to a request initially sometimes is not enough to prove that you really mean “no”.  While you may answer firmly and without apology and offer valid reasons for your refusal, there are some persistent people who may continue to repeat their request in the hope of receiving a positive answer.  In this scenario it is imperative that you be consistent and answer “no” every time the request is made.

In doing this you will affirm that your answer is “no”.  A lack of consistency may result in the other person realizing that you can be worn down over time and that if they continue to repeat their request they will eventually get the answer they are seeking from you.

Saying “no” can be incredibly difficult but really meaning “no” and being firm in your answer can be even harder. Having the skill however and using it as appropriate can also be a very empowering skill. Try it and see for yourself.

 So until next time – Relate with Love

Communication Breakdown

One of the most fundamental elements in any relationship is communication and when communication breaks down its vital that you find out the cause of the breakdown so that you can fix the problem before it permanently damages the relationship.

Communication can break down in a relationship for a variety of reasons. But whether it is the birth of a baby, financial strains or distrust of the other in the relationship it invariably comes down to either lack of time or lack of skills that is the real source of communication failing.

When a new baby arrives tiredness and time constraints while parents are busy with baby naturally put a strain on a relationship. Often it is the case where one of the couple stays home to care for the baby while the other continues to go to work. So not just are there sleepless nights to contend with but changing roles and social and financial pressures as well.

Struggling with financial issues can be extremely stressful for either one or both partners in a relationship.  If one partner typically handles the finances in a relationship they may not wish to worry their partner so they may struggle internally with the financial concerns.

While this is a noble gesture, it can also cause a communication breakdown in the relationship.  The one partner may feel that this is a burden they need to bear on their own and therefore avoid talking about the subject with their partner.  The problem with this is that in trying to avoid conversations regarding finances they may end up avoiding conversations all together.

For example, a conversation about where to go out to dinner may be avoided because thinking about spending too much money on leisure activities causes too much anxiety on one of the partners.  The partner who is unaware of the financial concerns may be offended by their partner’s avoidance of a simple conversation.

Regardless of the cause of the communication breakdown, it is vital to the health of the relationship to reopen the lines of communication. 

One way to avoid or reverse having a communication breakdown over changing roles or finances is to share the responsibility and openly discuss concerns over parenting or financial matters.  Doing this will ensure that neither partner becomes consumed by that responsibility thus preventing it from affecting the relationship.

Changing roles  and financial concerns can induce enough stress to destroy even the most secure relationships but planning ahead and speaking openly can help a couple avoid a communication breakdown.

Distrust is another factor that can affect communication in a relationship.  If one of the partners has a reason to be suspicious of the other it creates a distrust that directly affects communication.

Also, if one person has a reason to feel guilty in a relationship, it may result in a breakdown in communication.  This lack of trust or guilt may result in the couple not wanting to communicate either because they don’t want to have their suspicions confirmed or because they don’t want their secret to be revealed.

These feelings of suspicion or guilt may lead to strained conversations that are purposefully not very meaningful.

One way to avoid a breakdown in communication in this situation is to always be upfront with your partner.  Whether it’s suspicion or guilt that is driving your fear of communication, being honest with your partner will alleviate your fears and reopen the lines of communication.  You run the risk of having your suspicions confirmed but it’s better to be sure than to destroy your relationship while doubt remains.

Since open and honest communication is critical to a healthy relationship, it’s important to understand why communication breaks down and to work towards repairing that.

Simply put: Maintaining or restoring an open and honest communication link can ensure that a relationship not only endures but thrives.

So until next time – Relate with Love