Tag Archive | checklist

10 Absolute Must-Do Secrets to a Happy Marriage

10 Absolute Must-Do Secrets to a Happy MarriageWhile love is very important in a marriage sometimes it just isn’t enough. Just like any other relationship you have to put some effort in to make your marriage successful.

So to help you on your way, here are:

10 Absolute Must-Do Secrets to Make Your Marriage a Happy Marriage

  1. Be open and honest in your communications with each other and be considerate of your partner’s feelings. You might think that these two things are mutually exclusive. They’re not. You can be open with your communication and express your feelings honestly while doing it in such a way that is respectful of your partner.
  2. It’s also important to let your partner know if they have said or done some thing to hurt you. If you hold onto negative feelings your partner will be unaware of what they have done to hurt you and may be likely to repeat their actions. Simply coming out and telling your partner why you are upset can help you find a resolution to whatever might be bugging you.
  3. When money concerns come up it is important to discuss the issues so that both of you are aware of what is going. This way you can work on finding a resolution. Working together to find a resolution will ensure that neither of you feels left out or bearing the stress of worrying about the finances on your own.
  4. Be willing to make sacrifices. This is another secret to a happy marriage. Sometimes the sacrifices may be big, like sharing a kidney, but most often it’s the smaller things that really make the difference. Something as simple as preparing a meal that you don’t like, but that you know your partner likes, lets them know that you care enough to put their happiness first.
  5. Sharing household chores is yet another secret to creating a happy marriage. If either of you feels as though you are taking on more than your share it can lead to resentment and ultimately to anger. Working together gives you an opportunity to work as a team which in turn strengthens your connection.
  6. Yet another secret to a happy marriage is to maintain an intimate and affectionate relationship. This may or may not involve sex. Sometimes it’s simply about sharing physical closeness. Even small gestures such as a hug or holding hands as you walk gives you the opportunity to reconnect with your partner on a regular basis.
  7. Do something spontaneously. Do not allow yourself to fall into a predictable pattern of behaviour as this can lead to boredom. Being spontaneous at times will prevent boredom and keep your relationship interesting. This might be doing something as simple as posting a note on the vanity mirror saying “I love you” to planning a trip to a place not visited before.
  8. Understanding that you and your partner won’t always be in complete agreement is also critical to a happy marriage. While you may agree on a lot of things it’s unrealistic to believe that you will be in sync at all times. It’s okay to disagree sometimes as long as you respect each other’s feelings and beliefs as you seek a resolution. And don’t think that one major disagreement means the end of the relationship.
  9. And while making sacrifices is important in a happy marriage, it is also important to do things that are just for you. While it’s great to have a lot of common interests it’s also essential to have some things that you like to do on your own. Having some separate activities gives you some time away from your partner, gives you an opportunity to explore things on your own, and prevents boredom in the relationship as you reconnect and share what you’ve been doing.
  10. Finally, remind yourself often why you married your partner. This is one of the most important secrets of a happy marriage. Remembering what it is about your partner that drew you to them originally will ensure that you never forget your love for your partner. So while many things may change throughout the course of your marriage the one thing that will always remain is the reason you fell in love in the first place.

All of these secrets bring a couple closer together and foster a happy marriage. But remember, a happy marriage is not guaranteed no matter how much you love each other. There are so many other variables that will have an affect on your happiness and the ultimate success of your marriage.

And while communicating about problems and concerns is important it’s also important to communicate about your aspirations for your future together.

At the heart of all of this is the importance of both of you remaining conscious and vigilant of these aspects if you want to stay happy in your marriage.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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Nine Indicators That Your Relationship Is In Deep Trouble

relationship in troubleWhy Do My Parents Hate Each Other So Much?

I was speaking to a young boy this week, let’s call him Mat (not his real name), who asked me a question about his divorcing parents – “Why do my parents hate each other so much?”

I found myself searching for an answer and finally said: “I don’t believe your parents really ‘hate’ each other but maybe are just so angry with each other, and with the situation they are in, that it looks like they really hate each other.”

I went on further to explain my belief that in order for a couple to actually go through the process of divorcing from each other they also must go through what seems like ‘hate’ before they can really do it.

Mat then asked me: “So how did they get into that position in the first place?” The only way I know how to answer this is to believe that one or more of a set of factors became evident and ultimately became more stressful than the good that existed between the couple. When this reaches that point of being unbearable then the relationship blows out and separation and/or divorce become thereby inevitable.

John Gottman, an eminent Couples Researcher discovered after studying the incident of divorce for more than thirty years came up with a set of predictors that measure whether a couple is potentially at risk of divorce. Here they are:

  1. Did you marry at an early age?
  2. Did you not graduate from high school?
  3. Are you in a low-income bracket?
  4. Are you in an interfaith marriage?
  5. Did your parents divorce?
  6. Do you criticize one another?
  7. Is there a lot of defensiveness in your marriage?
  8. Do you tend to withdraw from one another?
  9. Do you feel contempt for one another?

If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, then you are statistically at a higher risk for divorce than couples who have reasonable expectations of one another and their marriage, communicate well, use conflict resolution skills, and are compatible with one another.

So this is not to say that if you answered “yes” to any one of these question you are going to divorce. What it does mean is that you have got some working out to do to ensure that you do not go that route.

And here’s the really good news: knowing the areas that leaves you in risk of divorcing means that you know what areas you most need to work with. The time is now to find a well qualified therapist to help you resolve these issues before they destroy your relationship.

And as for Mat’s parents? The issues that I suspect are current for them are more to do with how they have related to each other rather than anything to do with cultural, education or financial issues. They are very critical of each other, withdraw regularly, and I think the ‘hate’ that Mat is observing has actually now become contempt for each other as they continue to separate themselves further and further. It’s like they are on a downward spiral and are unable to stop what is happening.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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