When your relationship begins to falter, and there will be times it will, you may want to find something or someone to blame. You may even be left wondering if this was something that you did or said or something that they did or said.

The answer to these questions is that it is equally about both of you. As I am towards you will impact on how you are towards me and the way you are towards me will impact on how I am towards you.

“Can couples counselling work when my partner won’t come to counselling with me?”

Based on the above assumption, the answer is “absolutely yes!” The reason is that if you change, then your partner will have to change too. Of course, this may not always be easy, but if you can sustain the change, no matter what, then something will happen.

And, as with most things, the best treatment is prevention. So long before you get to that point of no return talk often and honestly your partner to work through those small things before they get to be overwhelming and relationship destroying.

An exercise I often give to my couple’s clients is to make a list of the goals and objectives for you, as individuals, as well as for yourselves as a couple.

Better still, make a picture, a collage or a painting, of what your relationship would look like in terms of individual qualities, characteristics and interactions, your communication patterns, and as you would want each other to be for you in this relationship.

Be what you want the other to be.

Live it full-out for yourself and for each other. This won’t be an easy task. There may be some trade offs and some tough choices.

The first trade-off will be about time and how you use it. The truth of it is: it takes time to create a relationship that endures; time to be together and time to play, time to plan, and time to just BE.

The second trade-off is comfort. You may experience and have to work through unfamiliar thoughts and feelings as you change some of your behaviors and work to better understand yourself and what you can contribute to your relationship.

On the other hand; if you are willing to live full-out for you and your partner and keep in mind the goals you have set for yourselves and the picture you have created of yourselves as a couple you will find it: That I am confident to guarantee indisputably.

So until next time – Relate with Love