Love at First Sight – Reality or Just a Fantasy?

Love at First Sight


You never get a second chance at making a great first impression. Research has shown us that you make a decision within the first 10 seconds of meeting someone about whether you like them, or not, and about whether you want to pursue a relationship with them or really can’t be bothered at all.

After that it really is just confirming that your first impression was actually correct which then makes it almost impossible to change.

In truth you’re not much different to those in the animal world. For example when two cats meet each other for the first time they, just as quickly as we do, decide if the other cat is a threat to them or not. If the other cat is perceived as a threat then the first cat will hiss and snarl at the second. The second cat then is likely to bristle up, in an attempt to make it appear larger, at the reaction of the first in a show of aggression and for preparing it for fight or flight.

If on the other hand the first cat feels no threat he will more likely go up to the other cat and “sniff” him. If the response is positive then you may be surprised to watch them nudging each other with their bodies and licking each other while purring contentedly.

We are just animals after all!

Humans are really not much different. And, just as cats, you also use all of your senses, including your sense of smell, to assess in a flash how you feel about this other person.

Allan Pease in his book, “Body Language” notes some of the physical attributes of humans as they respond to meeting another person for the first time. These physical attributes may be different depending on whether your first assessment is positive or negative.

Allan Pease speaks about how you position your body. If you like the person your body will be more open in posture and pointed towards the other person. Obviously you will be more likely to smile, to show that you are not threatening in any way. And did you know that your pupils also enlarge making you potentially irresistibly attractive.

If you like the look of the other person you are even likely to expose to the other person the softer parts of your body. This is particularly so for women and may include the inside of your wrists or your necks. Men, you are more likely to direct her attention to your “manhood” by standing akimbo with your hands tucked into your belt or in some other pose that reflects how strong and manly you are.

These responses are all spontaneous, that is done without your even knowing it because they are part of a very primitive reaction that taught you very quickly and intuitively what to and what not to do to attract attention as you wanted it or not.

So what is there to learn from this?

Simply this – you can learn to manage theses responses and use them to your advantage. Obviously it’s important to watch out for any threatening signals from the other that would let you know that this is someone you should not be with. But if you feel safe then go ahead and enjoy playing the game.

What is the name of the game?

It’s nothing more than simple “flirtation”, and if you know what you are doing it can be a great party game. And if the first impression is a good one then the “fall” into love is simply irresistible.

The magic of this first meeting will be forever remembered and cherished as a promise to “happy ever after”. This is of course a fantasy but one you are all too eager to get into again and again and again. So much so that some of you may even come to realize you are addicted to it and will go from one relationship to another seeking more of the good feelings that those first moments produce.

So until next time – Relate with Love

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2 thoughts on “Love at First Sight – Reality or Just a Fantasy?

  1. Pingback: February 2016 Newsletter - Northern Beaches Counselling

  2. Pingback: February 2016 Newsletter - Northern Beaches Mediation

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