I want to say right upfront that there is never an excuse for DV or any shame in being in a relationship where you are a victim of DV. You are not alone. The number of people exposed to DV is as much as 30% worldwide and it needs to stop.
I’ll say more about that in a moment. Firstly I think it might be helpful to define what DV is:
Domestic or Family Violence occurs when a family member, partner or ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically harm the other partner. It is important to note that violence happens in many different forms within relationships. It can be perpetrated by a male or female partner however the vast majority of domestic violence is reported to be committed by men against women. Abuse happens to people from every age group, income and educational level and religious and cultural background.
You do not have to be physically hurt to be abused, nor is it ever too late to seek assistance. This means that Domestic Violence can be categorized into several forms.
Here is a list of the different types of Domestic Violence:
Physical Abuse includes direct harm against a person, their child, pet or property and includes hitting, slapping, punching, choking, pushing, being thrown against a wall, being hit with objects or injured by weapons.
Sexual Abuse is any type of forced or unwanted sexual behaviour between adults.
Similar to verbal abuse, Emotional or Psychological Abuse can leave a person feeling that the relationship problems are their fault. Someone who leaves their partner alone at home or caring for children while the partner goes off to have an affair or live their lives separately could be a victim of this kind of abuse.
Verbal Abuse is the use of critical or insulting language or continual put-downs, threats or criticisms.
Financial Abuse involves the unequal control of money in a relationship, by making a person dependent upon the perpetrator for money, taking a person’s money or threatening a person for money.
Social Abuse is when the victim is denied contact with friends or family who may be able to offer support. Some victims are also made to account for everything they do and everywhere they go.
And while there is no excuse for DV it can be useful to have an understanding of why it occurs. Hurting someone usually results from being angry, but anger is a secondary emotion. This means that the anger is usually just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what the real feelings are underneath the anger.
Often people react angrily when they feel embarrassed, ashamed, frustrated, guilty, stupid, sad, fearful or incompetent. These feelings are primary emotions hidden under the surface which need to be identified if any change is going to happen.
Living in a domestically violent household is not easy. However for some leaving a domestically violent household can be even more difficult. So if you find yourself in such a situation go and seek help and if this cannot be with your partner at least take yourself. Sometimes you might be powerless to change your partner but you can change yourself.
And if you are the one who is responsible for Domestic Violence help is at hand. Take yourself to see a professional Counselor. They will not judge you. They really can help you.
Many people fear believing that they might be in a Domestic Violence relationship and some are not sure if what they are experiencing is in fact DV. If this sounds like you and you would like to find out if your relationship is an abusive one go to my website at www.acouplesjourney.com and click on the ‘quiz’s and questionnaire’s’ link and complete the assessment titled “Domestic Violence Assessment”. If the assessment indicates that you are at risk please make sure you seek professional help before taking any action.
So until next time – Relate with Love